oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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