Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
