Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
