I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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