Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
