i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
