Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
