Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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