I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
