i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
