I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
