Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
