drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
