i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
