He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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