i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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