He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
