why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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