You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
