why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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