quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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