I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
