TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
