Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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