A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
