Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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