It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
