he wants to bone in the snuggie
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
