Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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