you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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