turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there was a trapeze. enough said
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
