I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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