So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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