For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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