I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
