they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
