Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
