you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
