This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
