i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
