So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
