She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
