one two three fourrrrnication!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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