they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
