awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
