I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
