Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
