She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
