Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
