I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
