I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
