i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
